Who grew up on Disney movies? Can anyone tell me the theme that runs throughout nearly EVERY Disney animated film ever made? Think about Cinderella, Belle, Snow White, the Little Mermaid, Lady and the Tramp, Simba, Wall-E…what do all of these movies have in common? The characters, especially women, have roles assuming that they will end up betrothed. Its like the story cannot finish until characters have found their soulmate and can have a wedding, or the equivalent for dogs and robots. Disney is not the only culprit…Sleepless in Seattle, Beyonce, AT&T commercials, Twilight…ladies and gentlemen, and I emphasize, ESPECIALLY LADIES, you have been indoctrinated your entire life that marriage is your destiny to look forward to…that somehow, living a single life would mean that something is wrong with your story. I want to tell you the true story this morning…and I want to assure a few of you…I am not here to patronize you who are single. I am not going to throw a pity party this morning. I genuinely believe that there is great value in being single. Stop conforming to the world’s stories and let your mind be transformed and renewed. Listen to the age-old story about the God who knelt down into humanity and grasped in marriage for the hand of His creation…and this morning I say, if you tune your ears to this story being told, you will live a transformed life of fullness, power and authenticity, because you will be able to discern God’s will for your life.
Paul says that it is a gift to be unmarried, as much as it is a gift to be married. Both gifts are on equal ground…and the only difference is that God has given each gift to different people. Who here has read the Chronicles of Narnia? One of my favorite parts of the story is when Father Christmas bestows gifts to each of the children…but he does not do so for them to trade the gifts around, or throw the gifts away. They are to be used in order to carry out the story…they help the characters fulfill their roles in the story. Each gift plays an important role…the sword and shield for defense…the horn for intercession and announcement…the potion for healing…and each of the characters need to embrace and utilize their own gift in order to play their own part in saving Narnia. When Paul says that each one has their own gift from God, Paul is also saying that God has given singleness to some as a gift so that they can play out their role in the great story that has been told since the beginning of time. This is a life of fullness…when we accept our gift, and use it to live out God’s story. Once our minds are rid of being brainwashed by the world’s story, we will be able to hear the voice of our Shepherd clearly and be transformed by His great story…and we can discern what gift God wills for us to have individually.
So, we can see in Scripture that God values some being single. Now, how can we find value in being single? I think (as usual) Augustine says it best: “It is by chastity that we are gathered together and led back to the unity from which we were fragmented into multiplicity. Because anyone who loves something else along with You, but does not love it for Your sake, loves You less” (Conf. X.29.40) I’m going to say that last part again…(repeat). The more we are attached to, the easier it is to be pulled in a thousand directions…to bust like a vase into a thousand pieces…and forget the One who defines all of our love stories. However, if one can courageously pursue the single life, she also finds the power of focusing all of her amorous intentions upon God. I like Tyler Durden’s analogy in the book “Fight Club”: “All a gun does is focus an explosion in one direction.” This is power. Think about it…without that focus, the force of the blast goes out in a thousand directions…but with focus, it becomes a powerful force traveling at high rates in a specific direction. I believe that Augustine is saying chastity is a way of focusing our desire and our love…we are not constantly consumed in shopping for a spouse…we are not pulled apart by the rollercoaster of human emotion…we do not waste time fretting over gifts that God has not given us…like a candle in a dark room, God’s love draws our attention and centers us in Christ, so that we become a powerful force for Him.
Is singleness without its dangers? Of course not…we run the risk of becoming self-centered with our gift…using singleness as an excuse to live out our story without commitment to anyone but ourselves. We run the risk of isolating ourselves from any and all relationships because it is comfortable…or because we resent our gift. We run the risk of betraying our gift of being single and distorting love by feeding our desires with bad decisions and wrong relationships. There are plenty of risks to being single…and this is why I say, with sincerity, that just as marriage is a road only for the courageous, so too is being single only for the courageous. When we discern our gift, we must be thankful and commit to the gift that God has given us. Be bold…this is authenticity. When the jazz-giant Thelonious Monk began playing jazz in clubs in the early 40’s, he broke the standard method of covering the music of other jazz artists and committed to only playing only his own music. After nearly 20 years of underappreciation, Monk was recognized as one of the greatest composers of the 20th century…he was true to himself and his gift. He was authentically Monk, and remained that way to his grave. In the same way, the path of the single person can only be undertaken by the courageous…because she will have to defy the stories constantly being told that a life fulfilled always includes marriage. On this note, I will end by reading a Scripture which I feel is important for us to recognize as we seek to betray the stories of this world and seek our own role in the greatest story ever told…Psalm 139:1-16, 23-24
